Even years after disaster struck

I still sleep with my phone on.

I keep waiting for the call to come in, 

somehow, in its own twisted way

it is reassuring, 

meaning that even after the worst thing 

that could happen has happened, 

there is still more to lose. 

There are always disasters waiting to happen. 

My phone is never turned off, 

it is never left behind. 

I can always be reached, 

awoken from sleep, 

disturbed at work -

even if it is already too late.

I will always wonder,

will alway try to find an answer 

as to why you did not call me.

I would have left everything and everyone behind 

for you.

That night, that man, totally meaningless-

but you,

you were my universe.

Your phone was found next to you,

so why did you not call me?