Today is your birthday

 

and by now I don't think it matters

how long you've been gone

my brain always find ways to remind me

 

I've come to terms with you being gone

I've come to terms with a lot of things

I know by now

I probably found all of your notes;

 

 

most days I still think that my heart 

should have stopped when yours did -

I haven't lived in a long time

 

I still dream of you

usually in the mornings

the kind of confusing dreams

where my brain doesn't register 

that you're not next to me

while waking up 

 

I still reach for you

muscles all soft from sleep

brain foggy

it's like I can still feel your warmth

your fingers on my skin

 

reality is always such a disappointment 

 

 

 

anyways, I digress;

 

happy birthday love

I miss you more than words can say