I’m fine.

I’m fine.

I’m fine -

if I say it enough times

maybe it becomes the truth?

Let’s try it one more time:

I’m fine. 

I’ve tried it before;

I love you 

I love you

I love.... 

it never works. 

I’ve asked my heart time and time again to settle,

to pick someone:

to just beat a little faster,

a little harder

whenever that someone entered the room,

but it never does. 

My heart is stubborn and unwavering.

It will always be you,

no matter how many dandelion seeds blown to the wind;

no matter how many candles extinguished on birthdays cakes;

no matter how many coins thrown into fountains;

no matter how many fallen stars -

every wish whispered quietly,

& always unable to be fulfilled.

Nothing will bring you back to me. 

No wishes can change

who the heart decides to beat for.

"Loving you is easy

I can do it in my sleep

I dream of you so often

It's like you never leave"

- Bright Eyes, Coyote Song

Oh the longer the waiting, the sweeter the kiss
It's better my darlin', I promise you this
Next time I hold you, I'm not letting go
Will you wait for it darlin'?, I need to know

I think of you whenever I hear the song;

It makes me remember the time we danced in your kitchen: 
how you held me, how I leaned in against your chest. 

The song makes me remember that there was hope, at one point.
That there have been happy moments,
that I wasn’t always this sad:
once upon a time there was a grain of happiness. 

Slowly, slowly moving throughout the song.
If I close my eyes,
I can almost feel how your arms held me.
The warmth. 

It wasn’t love.

It’s never love;

but sometimes, even a grain of happiness is what’s needed for the time being