when I'm here I see all the lives I could have lived

all that was needed was a fraction of a decision
a change of heart
a declined application

and nothing would have been what it is;
and it's difficult when you look at it that way

I've forgotten what happiness tastes like -
feels like:
I think it used to come with a soft muzzle, 
a warm breath against my hair,
a friendship that passed every obstacle.

I've tried to tell myself that sometimes,
you need to break your own heart.
Sometimes you have to walk away. 


I'm not so sure about that anymore.