&
sometimes you call me up & we pretend that things are like they used to be;
pretend that we know each other, that we might have had a future together

you talk about your friends, friends that got that special girl/guy in their lives,
that are happy, truly happy. The kind of couples that talk about kids, houses; grown up things.
Usually you sigh, saying there was a time I believed in love.
And then I usually say you still believe in it, you just like to pretend not to, cause its easier.

& after a while, we talk about us, the past. The history. About you going away, about me staying behind.
You want to know if that was love; what we built our relationship on. & I know
I know
you will just get hurt, but still I say
I dont believe in love. It was attraction, it was summer & you came from the sun & fields
and you made me laugh. Remember the day at the beach? The party where we met?
The lit cigarette in your hand, that attitude that said "I know what I want",
we were high on life, and I was drunk & you were just... you.
It was attraction, not love, if you want a word with L you should use lust.


And we'll keep talking, about now & then & past & future.
How we changed, how the world changed, how we changed each other.


& in the end; you'll talk about a qoute from Winnie The Pooh,
and when we're about to hang up;  the words thats suppose to be your last are:
I carry your heart.
Like we were still a couple, like nothing changed
and without thinking I respond
I carry it in my heart.

& you laugh, saying you didnt think Id say that.
Our old way of saying I love you without using the old & nagged words,
to make our relationship something special,
a code only for us.


after I listened to you hanging up,
I google the quote you talked about & suddenly I understand you

"Piglet and Winnie the Pooh are sitting under a big tree, thinking about life. Piglet asks: “Pooh, we have two hands to hold things, two legs to walk, two eyes to see, two ears to hear. But why do we have only one heart?” Pooh thinks for a while and then answers:

“Piglet, I´m sure it is because the other heart is given away to someone else, and we have to find it.”



Im sorry I wasnt the heart you were looking for.