last night

fireworks lit up the sky

celebration of a new year

a new beginning

it always takes me back

to this moment in the past

I guess because it’s something I’m trying to forget?

It’s minutes after midnight,

we’ve done the whole kiss thing

everyone is smiling, excited, drunk

but -

I am in the kitchen alone 

I needed a moment

like I often do,

a glass of champagne has somehow appeared in my hand,

but tonight

tonight I am painfully sober

I put my hand on my stomach 

still flat

no sign of the tiny blueberry sized life yet;

I have known for a few days 

it is not how I imagined my new year to start

but tonight

there is a handsome, blue eyed man

looking at me like I’m all that matters,

tonight doesn’t count

tonight is the end of a year

tonight is a new beginning

;

blueberry sized decisions can wait